A Community Full of Possibilities

When my husband suddenly died, I was on a mission to find a new community. One that I felt at home with. One that didn’t look at grief as a problem to be solved, a series of steps to be taken as a means to conquer it. I wanted a resonate connection. I wanted to feel and embrace grief and look at it as a gift. One filled with possibilities and experience. One that recognized the trauma but also provided light. I felt alone in my quest but strong in my resolve.
I remember a friend’s child asked, “Why does she seem so happy, mom?”
As hard as it was to loose Ryan, I knew I had a choice. I could sit at home in a dark house, blinds drawn, shutting the world out. I understood right away that I could choose how to view grief. I could shrivel up and die; I could view it as a problem, one that needed to be solved; or I could choose to live life to the fullest and share my gift with my community.
I went into hunting mode to find others who viewed grief in the way I choose. I craved answers. The University of Washington bookstore had many books on grief, some of which have revolutionized how our culture addresses death and dying. They focused on death as a problem to overcome. The conversation continued in a comfortable way, explaining how one deals with trauma. This new issue you are facing in your life is a problem and lucky for you, we have many books on how to solve it. I picked up book after book, read the insert and put them back.
Our culture is obsessed with problems and problem solving. Media, linguistics,and judgements are all based on problems. We are bombarded with messages about the problems in our community. The problem with our leaders, the problem with society, the problem with problems, death was a problem.
I grew frustrated, quickly. I searched for possibilities and gifts inside of books and groups that I could resonate with. Only a handful of books put grief as a gift into perspective. I wanted more. I wanted the majority of books to have that insight. I didn’t give up, reading as many books as I could get my hands on. I talked to as many widows as I could. I couldn’t quite put my finger on why we viewed grief so differently. And then tonight, I had an AHA moment.
I never viewed grief as a problem to be solved. It just was. It’s a deep human emotion, the loss of another. Yet in it is numbing beauty, a gift. One that may not be wrapped in pretty paper, tidal waves or digestible lumps. No, grief has to be felt – to it’s abundant depths, to its soul searching heights. And as you emerge from the abyss, transformation occurs.
We need a paradigm shift toward death. It’s the driving force behind my book and why I am writing Leaping Into Lovers Lane.
I never viewed Ryan’s death as an issue to be dealt with. I didn’t get angry. Even while rocked to my core and those dark, dark days, I knew light was a possibility. I accepted that I was experiencing this for a reason. A grand plan in the Universe. One that may not make sense at the time, and feel like a heavy toll to pay, but one that I accepted. One that I owned. One that I viewed as an amazing gift.
I view grief as a pathway to limitless possibilities. And I’ve found applying that mindset helps everything in life. It has brought joyous abundance, rich experiences and unconditional love. If I viewed grief as a problem, I’d still be sitting in a dark, grey house in Seattle counting raindrops.
If it were up to me, I would eliminate “problem” from the dictionary. Instead I would replace it with possibilities and gifts. Just think of a world without problems. One that instead focused on possibilities. One that was so full of light that our communities grew stronger. We supported and celebrated one another for our amazing talents and abilities.
This conversation starts with you, my community. Conversations gain momentum and then birth a new light. A new consciousness. A new way of thinking and a way to show up in the world.
Leadership starts in small groups. It moves slowly, gaining momentum and creating sustainable change. In you, in me, in everyone we surround ourselves with. I challenge you to eliminate  the grief problem from your vocabulary. Use possibilities instead. Notice what shows up for you in the world. When you find yourself slipping into that old verbiage, stop and reframe.
Changing your perspective, one that you may not even be aware of, will shift things in your world. It shifted mine.

Grey Matter

A friend of mine is a bird scientist. Her professional world consists of black and white, yes and no, true or false. As someone who is passionate about saving the planet she often goes against the status quo. While she sees the benefit of one side and the other in a given situation, she feels stuck.

Imagine, living a life in only white or black. Only one or the other.

What happens when you meet the in between? Someone or something that doesn’t fit in one side or the other. It’s in the grey matter. And often, sitting in that grey matter is where peace and calm happens. Acceptance. Open space. A breath of fresh air.

Suddenly the weight lifted from her voice. She had an AHA! moment. A shift in perspective. By allowing grey to exist, she didn’t have to choose between one or the other. She could allow for the beauty of both sides while holding space somewhere in the middle.

What a great reminder that we should all allow for a little more grey matter in our lives. That sometimes choosing a happy medium will save us from internal struggle between what’s “right” or “wrong.”

Grey matters.

 

Holiday Decisions

The holidays are here. The Christmas lights are being hung around the neighborhood, houses decorated with holiday decor, friends and families gathering to celebrate another year of gratitude, another year that has quickly passed. A customer came into the Market the other day and said his light hanging ritual began today. Curious, I asked how many lights he hangs and although he didn’t have a number, he did mention it takes him 9 days to hang them. Impressive!

So whatever it is that you do each year to celebrate the holidays, hang lights, bake cookies, watch football, drink eggnog – know that you are not alone in your quest to make this a memorable holiday season. And if there are things you want to change – your approach to handling the in-laws, the intricate web of family relationships, the repeat circumstances of overeating pumpkin pie – now is the time to do so. Create the life you want to live.

And great news! I am ready to help you get there. Together we will examine a place where you are feeling stuck, your perspective and explore other approaches. We’ll brainstorm action ideas from a resonate perspective and have you commit to a plan of action. Talk about feeling empowered and ready to tackle the holidays!

I look forward to hearing from you and helping you realize change.

 

With lots of love,

ImageJennifer and Makiah

 

 

Hello world!

Welcome to Sharp Coaching!
When’s the last time you took stock of the balance in your life? Are you abundant in one area and lacking in another? Does spending time with family and friends recharge your batteries but your career leaves you stagnant? Do you feel like there’s something bigger out there – something that urges you to take action?

Now is the time. Now is the time to live the life of your dreams. To take action in your life and work on that much needed balance. To empower yourself to put your own wants first for a change and create the ideal life that YOU want.

Some people are born with the ability to chase their dreams. And those are the people I admire most – one’s that go after what sings to their souls with passion and gusto. They inspire us to be bold, to take risks and step out of our comfort zones.

Some people need more nudging, to live the life they’ve always wanted. To open an art store, creating things with their hands, hearts and minds. To align happiness and productivity together. To put their values first and live a life that coincides with them. Where fulfillment and balance go hand in hand along with synergy, optimism and love.

Do you remember your dream? The one that you had as a little kid? The one that got you so excited that you got lost in time? Yeah, that’s the one I’m talking about. The one that may have been lost for some time but now you’re ready. You’re ready to make it become reality.

How? Things are so complicated now with kids, bills, parents, mortgages, obligations and daily routines. You can absolutely create change NOW. You can start today with little steps. Little steps that lead to big change. It may not be sudden or overnight, but with work you can achieve the life you’ve always dreamed of.

Contact me for a sample session. That’s the first step. Together we will begin a journey together and I will coach you toward the life of your dreams. I so look forward to working with you and putting a permanent smile on your face.